Congratulations! You've found your person and joined your lives together. It's completely normal to feel a mix of excitement and nervousness about whether you should do the same with your money. While the logistics are important, building a shared financial life is really about understanding each other's values so you can move forward with confidence and trust.
Talk about your finances as a couple
Most couples jump straight into the tactical stuff, like setting up bank accounts or managing debt. However, it's healthier for your relationship in the long run if you start by understanding each other's attitudes about money. Ask each other what money really means to you. Does it bring feelings of security, stress, shame, or comfort?
Start by discussing your experiences growing up. It's important to understand where these emotions come from. Most of our feelings toward money were developed by the age of seven. This happens long before we can consciously decide how we want to feel about it. No emotion is right or wrong, but knowing the origin helps.
Next, talk about the role you want money to play in the life you build together. Does it represent freedom? The ability to raise a family? Set your priorities together and remember that there will always be trade-offs. You can do everything in time, but not everything at the same time.
Discuss earnings, contributions, and roles
It's common for couples to tie income levels to the perceived contribution they make to the relationship. While money matters, a successful relationship is about more than just careers and paychecks. Keeping score can be destructive. You need to gain clarity on what you both value as a couple.
Sometimes, the partner who earns more feels they should have more "control" over decisions. In other cases, income disparity leads to resentment or feelings of inadequacy. The key isn't to change your income but to redefine what contribution means. Value each other for what you bring to the relationship beyond money.
Talk about how you will make decisions together. How important are your careers? Who will pay the bills each month? Would one of you prefer to stay home and raise a child? Reaching a mutual understanding here will lead to a happier, more fulfilling relationship than focusing solely on the value of money.
Create a spending roadmap together
Bringing your financial lives together is a big step. Research shows that couples who treat their money as "ours" rather than "yours and mine" are generally happier. This doesn't mean you can't have your own "play account," but you need to align on the big picture.
Creating a joint spending roadmap isn't about ignoring individual goals. It's about blending them into a shared vision. Here's how to get started:
- Use a framework: A good starting point is the 50/30/20 rule. Allocate 50% to needs, 30% to wants, and 20% to saving and investing.
- Assign roles: Decide who will manage and pay the bills. You can do it together, assign it to one person, or alternate. There's no right or wrong answer as long as you agree.
- Check in: Schedule time to review your spending and discuss changes. It keeps you both informed and aligned.
Combine bank accounts
How you manage day-to-day cash flow is up to you. Some couples have only one joint account, while others keep everything separate. However, it's often a good idea to establish at least one joint account for shared goals like vacations or paying the mortgage. This makes tracking your progress easier.
Most brick-and-mortar banks offer similar services, so prioritize convenience and review the fees to ensure the bank meets your needs.
Be mindful of legal implications depending on your state. Generally speaking, money that's gifted to you or inherited can remain separate from the marriage if you keep it solely in your name. Once you commingle the money by moving it into a joint account, it often becomes a joint asset.
Create a strategy for debt
If you haven't discussed debt yet, now is the time. List everything out, including student loans, car loans, and mortgages. Note the monthly payments, interest rates, and when the payments end.
Legally, existing debt you bring into the marriage remains in your name. However, you can choose to tackle it as a team. Will you pay for it individually or collectively? Decide who is responsible for the actual payments to avoid future issues.
Don't overlook your credit scores. As you build a life, you may apply for car loans or a mortgage together. Healthy credit helps you qualify for better loans with lower interest rates. Make sure you have a strategy to maintain or improve your scores. Discussing your feelings about debt is also crucial because it can be an emotional topic.
Review investment and retirement goals
Most of the steps above cover your life today, but you also need to talk about the future. Whether you call it retirement or financial independence, you need an integrated roadmap to make that life a reality.
Before marriage, you likely had individual investment strategies. Now, it's critical to ensure all investment accounts are working toward the same goals. Start by getting organized. List your accounts, balances, savings rates, and what you own.
Next, align on your time horizon and risk tolerance. Are you investing for a future child's education? Do you need flexibility in the next 10 years? Many couples make the mistake of not looking at their investments collectively. This can lead to a portfolio that isn't cohesive, has too much risk, or isn't optimized for taxes. Ensure you have the right level of diversification and low fees.
Update estate planning documents and beneficiaries
Marriage changes your legal status overnight. You need to update how you title your assets and your legal documents. Here are three steps to take:
- Update major documents: This includes your wills, financial powers of attorney, and powers of attorney for health care.
- Update beneficiaries: Review the elections on your retirement accounts and life insurance policies.
- Share access: Share login information and passwords for online accounts. Your partner should be able to access this information easily in an emergency.
Update insurance and protection
Protecting your loved ones is a huge part of financial wellness. The stakes are raised when you get married. You want peace of mind knowing everything is secure if the unexpected occurs.
Health insurance
Marriage is a qualifying event. This means you can make changes to your employer-sponsored health plans or insurance through state exchanges outside of the standard open enrollment period. Compare your group coverage options and decide which plans make the most sense for you as a couple.
Property and casualty insurance
Review coverage for your home, cars, and valuables. You will need to notify your insurance company to add your spouse as a "named insured" so they are legally covered. Also, be aware that jewelry and art may not be covered under a standard policy. You might need to buy a separate rider to cover those items.
Planning for taxes
Marriage changes your tax situation. Most married couples file joint returns, so you should understand how this impacts your combined income and deductions. It's a great habit to review your tax strategy periodically.
Revisit the taxes your employer withholds from your paycheck. This helps avoid unpleasant surprises on April 15. The amount you need to withhold often changes once you're married, so speak to your HR department. If you've adjusted your investment strategy, you may want to change contributions to your retirement accounts as well.
Look ahead at the next year or two. Are you buying a home or having a baby? These decisions will directly affect how you plan for taxes.
Regularly check in on financial goals
Life is ever-changing. Your relationship will evolve with career changes, family planning, or retirement. Your relationship with money must evolve too. Financial decisions aren't "one and done."
Schedule regular check-ins, or "money dates." This is an excellent way to review how you both feel about your progress and address areas where you might disagree. Open, honest conversations reduce stress and eliminate worry. It's also a great time to celebrate your wins. The goal is to ensure you remain aligned so money remains a tool for the life you want to build together.
The Facet difference
At Facet, we believe that financial planning isn't just about the numbers; it's about the life those numbers support. You'll work with a team of CFP® professionals to build a personalized roadmap that reflects your unique values and shared goals. Our flat-fee membership model means we don't charge commissions, so our advice is objective and focused on your best interest. We make the complex parts of combining finances simple, so you can focus on enjoying your new life together.
